- You bad-mouthed Macgyver, didnt you?
- Best friend song lyrics
- Smithers, Im home. What...already? Yes.
- SO I SAID TO HIM, LOOK, BUDDY, YOUR CAR WAS UPSIDE DOWN WHEN WE GOT HERE. AND AS FOR YOUR GRANDMA, SHE SHOULDNT HAVE MOUTHED OFF LIKE THAT!
- No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me because Im dying to know.
- I had a stroooo-oooo-ke
- You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires, post haste.
- “You know, Milhouse, Ive been thinking. This town aint so bad. Good friends, lots of lemons, numerous angel sightings. When you get right down to it, Springfields a pretty cool place to live.“
- Okay, okay, we need $40,000. Now, how much do we have in the check book? $70. Hmm... have we deposited any $40,000 checks that havent cleared yet?
- Call me Ishmael, dummy
- Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you HoJu!
- Dont bother calling 911 anymore. Heres the real number.
- You see, boy? The real money is in bootlegging. Not in your childish vandalism.
- Dear Neighbor. You are my brother. I love you. And yet I feel a great sadness in my bosom.
- Remember that New Years Eve party at Lennys?
- Its time to kick some back!
- This is better than a movie. WHY?!
- Okay. Heres what weve got. The Rand Corporation in conjunction with the saucer people... Thank you. Under the supervision of the reverse vampires are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner!
- La...tex condo. Boy, Id like to live in one of those!
- ( whining ): Oh this is the worst party ever...
- No, Lisa, but I sure dont want to eat this crappy breakfast.
- Cursed_Face_swap
- Just so you dont hear any wild rumors, Im being indicted for fraud in Australia
- Hey, I thought I told you to stop licking my windows
- Hey lady, Santa is gonna be here right? He just HAS to!
- Don’t forget the smell!
- Our top story, marijuana is now legal.... le-le is now legal..... le-gal... in Canada. And its made everything...... just so great.
- When I say put your beer on a coaster, I mean it!
- I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you! Especially those of you in the jury!!
- Anime
- Who rigs every Oscar night?!
- Do we sell French.....Fries?
- Which ones the mouse? Itchy. Itchys a jerk.
- All right, this is dedicated to Bart Simpson with the message, I am coming to kill you, slowly and painfully.
- Hey Bart, do you have a best friend yet? Cause Ive been looking for someone to boss me around.
- Umm... I shoot birds at the airport.
- Ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened. Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teachers edition in this school.
- Oh, so now were judging each other based on things weve done!? Real fair. Class act.
- I am a washing machine. Do what I say
- Who would have thought Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers father?
- STUPID TRASH... ROTTEN, STINKY... HATE WORLD... REVENGE SOON... TAKE OUT ON EVERYONE...
- The Thing About Huckleberries Is: Once Youve Had Fresh, Youll Never Go Back To Canned.
- What a clever impersonation of a stupid poor person!
- art history
- Despite Barts objections, The People of South Africa can now vote in free Democratic elections.
- No offense, but were putting that bitch on ice!
- Now, what is a wedding? Well, Websters Dictionary describes a wedding as The process of removing weeds from ones garden.
- Smithers, I’m afraid I won’t be able to play tonight. My old gimpy knee has gone akimbo again.. Take that! Ooh, Smithers that precision assault popped it back into place, thank you masked stranger!
- My God youre greasy.
- Will you look at those morons.I paid my taxes over a year ago.
- Stop the inauguration! I just discovered our President-Elect got an F in second grade gym class!
- ummm...Youre on your own!
- @simpscns on Instagram
- Ezekiel and Ishmael, in accordance with your parents wishes, you may step out into the hall and pray for our souls
- this sub lately
- Funs over, fellas. If youre going to beat up my friend in my bar, theres a two-drink minimum.
- Whats your favourite movie? The Little Mermaid, at least until you taped over it. Thats right, The Odd Couple! So meet your comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson!
- Ooh, whats with the lead pipe, were you going to give my noggin a floggin?
- Why do you mock me, O Lord? Homer, thats not God. Thats just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
- Does anyone else ever wish they could live in a small apartment and pretend it was the 90s?
- Ok, but this is where you register as a sex offender
- Moe, I havent seen the place this crowded since the government cracked down on you for excepting food stamps.
- Porridge Tv Series
- Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions? Theyre all pretty much the same.
- First image of earth from the moon. Taken by the lunar orbiter on August 23rd, 1966. (Colorized)
- Slow down, Sir. Youre going to give yourself skin failure.
- You got no attitude, you’re barely outrageous, and I don’t know what you’re in but it’s not my face!
- 8:58. First time Ive ever been early for work. Except for all of those daylight savings days. Lousy farmer.
- THATS IT! BACK TO WINNIPEG!
- Me in 2020
- Jasper should be the next debate moderator....
- “Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this?! Tom Hanks cant act his way out of a nutsack!“
- Hey, Homer way to get marge pregnant. Heh-heh-heh. This is getting very abstract, but thank you.
- Blursed phineas
- cartoons
- Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Neverending Story.
- “My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.” “Okay Mr. Burns, what’s your first name?” “I don’t know.”
- Ann landers is a boring old bitty
- ♪ You dont wind friends with salad ♪
- Neddy? Neddy!
- I sentence you to kiss my ass!
- Youll be back! And so will you, and you, and you!
- Lisa: Id like 25 copies on goldenrod, 25 on canary, 25 on saffron and 25 on paella.
- Hi-dilly-ho. Welcome to your new home, neglect-areenos
- Oh yeah, drugs, you gotta have drugs...
- So Marge, whos your favorite Native American warrior? Crazy Horse! Whoo whoo whoo!
- The debate we were hoping for
- “Sorry, the law requires a five day waiting period. We’ve got to run a background check.” “Five days? But I’m mad now.”
- Intruders could come in down the chimney, through the mail slot, even hidden in your groceries.
- Whats a battle?
- I didnt think he was going to do Moon River but then BAM, second encore!
- My friend and I have a bet. Are you Mary Tyler Moore?
- THAT WASNT PART OF OUR DEAL BLACKHEART
- Miss Belle, were about to do our Around the World number, but Monte Carlo cant find her dice!
- Homer Simpson - Junior Vice President: Compu-Global-Hyper-Mega-Net
- Im a level 5 vegan, I wont eat anything that casts a shadow.
- I see your reading the newspaper. Everything but the opinion page. I dont need to be told what to think. By anyone living.
- Oh no, Bette Midler!
- And all this time Ive been smoking harmless tobacco!
- Some days, we don’t let the line move at all. We call those “weekdays”.
- My Mom doesnt believe in fabric softener - but shes not around!
- Principal Skinner, I need some shews
- In the episode Bendin in the Wind when Fry pulls the bong from under the seat of the van, Hermes was the only one startled by it
- Humid weather :)
- Curse you magic beans!
- Look Marge, Maggie lost her baby legs!
- When I first heard of the operation, I was against it. But then I thought, if Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
- Kicking and screaming please
- And now, please rise for our opening hymn: In the Garden of Eden by I. Ron Butterfly
- I know where we can get some baguettes! Happy bastille day everyone!
- A dog like this you have to feed every day!
- All in favor of skipping the poem?
- We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house. But all weve ascertained from the satellite photos is that its not on the roof.
- I thought I’d chauffeur myself this evening. Yes, that’s what I thought. How difficult can it be? Im sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which the deceleratrix.
- Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, bodyguard, unauthorized biographer and drug dealer- uh, keeper-awayer.
- Nu när skatteåterbäringen är på gång och man känner sig rik så vill man lyxa till det
- Simpson wallpaper iphone
- My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. Im 31 years old.
- Happy 420!
- Now Homer dont you eat this pie.
- MFW another one of “pro” cheesers critiques my build and go 1/5 with two turnovers and go cold.
- Industrial Safety
- Only one actor could have pulled off this role.
- You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Oh Fat Tony... I will say good day to you sir.
- Rapper Tekashi69 being arrested by NYPD (2018)
- You have selected REGICIDE. If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press ONE.
- Blursed Simpsons
- As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
- “There’s also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.” “I hardly think the FBI’s concerned with matters like that.”
- Brandishing your buttocks is only getting me angrier!
- See, Lisa? Males aren’t hard to tame. They all follow their video cartridges.
- Hey! Your early porno movies!... oh... are any of these hetero?
- My ear hurts and my neck hurts, I have two owies.
- Not the elephants!
- You know, Marge, in some ways you and I are very different people.
- Villains when they try to run away from Anakin
- Uh, sir, did you ever think that maybe it was doing this that caused the previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?
- Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe
- HOMER, YOURE DUMB AS A MULE AND TWICE AS UGLY. IF A STRANGE MAN OFFERS YOU A RIDE I SAY TAKE IT!
- Oooh January 1st! Better get going on those taxes, Neddy!
- Cant talk - keeping myself in a state of cat-like readiness.
- Here are some words that rhyme with Corey:
- Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
- I love you, Homey. Mmmmmmmm
- My fellow Americans, as a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball
- Whats your favorite shitty parenting moment? Ill go first: Wow Dad, you look really hungover... 😂
- My knob tastes funny
- Art Humor
- Son, I am going to teach you a lesson. Im going to stand here and watch you smoke everyone of those cigarettes. Then maybe youll learn.
- “That’s what we look like inside? It’s disgusting. Oh, that lady swallowed a baby.”
- You...went to outer space? You? Sure, youve never been?... Would you like to see my Grammy Award?
- Well Simpsie, you up for another wave?
- So then I says to Mabel, I says...
- So a few people wont get a few letters. Boo-hoo! You know the kind of letters people write: Dear somebody you never heard of... How is so-and-so? Blah, blah, blah. Yours truly, some bozo.
- It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
- The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and thats the way I likes it!
- Dear Miss Hoover, You have lyme disease. We miss you. Kevins biting me. Come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spirochete. Love, Ralph.
- Actual footage of me waiting for yet another APK to build.
- Now, Bart,you must promise not to fall in love with me.
- Class please! If you dont learn Roman Numerals, youll never know the dates certain motion pictures were copyrighted.
- Why is Lisa giving her mom the do me eyes?...Springfield is in Alabama wow
- “Just because I dont care doesnt mean I dont understand.”
- Hello, Simpson. Im riding the bus because mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
- Look, Big Daddy, Its Regular Daddy.
- Why no love for Larry Burns? Easily one of the best one time characters! Now let’s party!
- Dear Mr President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate 3. I am not a crackpot
- According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her. Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy yellow butt.
- Everyone at school picks on the Pöpli kids, even I do
- Cant they get a pole for that sign?
- Its true. I read it on a placemat at a restaurant.
- When you check your online banking after a night of lovely pints
- What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt!
- Lets give recognition to this often overlooked one-off character, Guy Incognito
- HEY MR SMITHERS!
- Dad, the heathens getting away. I see him son.
- Isnt anybody in this dad-gummed cemetery dead?
- Oh dad, you and your stories. Bart broke my teeth, the nurses are stealing my money, this thing on my neck is getting bigger.
- You know, when I was a boy I really wanted a catchers mitt, but my dad wouldnt get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
- When youre alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go ACK...DOON TOON
- DNA For Kids
- here is an ordinary square Whoa whoa slow down egghead
- Your father can be surprisingly sensitive. When I giggled at his Sherlock Holmes hat, he sulked for a week and then closed his detective agency.
- Oh, this is the worst party ever! I dont know. Remember that New Years Eve at Lennys? He didnt even have a clock.
- It says here we can learn watch repair in eight one-hour lessons.
- Stupid babies need the MOST attention!
- Yeah, I did see some bikers ride by here with a blue-haired woman about ten minutes ago. Said they were going to spend the night at Crystal Lake Campground, section K, space 217. Im sorry I cant be of more help.
- cartoons
- Heres the keys “Elephants dont have keys.” “Ill just keep these, then.”
- What are you looking at? The innocent words of a drunken child.
- Ohhh, Im gonna lose my job just cause Im dangerously unqualified!
- curiosidades
- ts 11:00. Do you know where your children are? I told you last night NO!
- Ready to celebrate Bastille Day
- No, IM the head vampire!
- Fortunately, I wrote down your screen name before I was dispatched by that oafish moron.
- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is Detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security. Thats right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting. Uh-huh. Yeah, its a shame, I know, but, well... try and have a merry Christmas.
- Everyones saying star wars this! And Kylo Ren that! But no ones saying worship this! And Jericho that!
- Uh, my shirt fell off...
- We could sit here and try to figure out who forgot to pick up who til the cows home. And lets just say were both wrong and thatll be that. Now how bout a hug?
- But I...I was sure it was a phony excuse, I mean it sounds so made up, yom...kip...pur
- Man alive! There are men alive in here.
- Morena be like: El peje es bueno, el peje es bello. No hay voluntad, olvidate de ello.
- So, uh, aint you guys gonna ask me about my hat?
- I wore a 15 pound beard of bees for that woman
- Couch Gags The Simpson
- Hello this is Moleman in the morning. Good Moleman to you.
- blursed family bonding
- Arent there any healthy animals in this forest?!
Splinters is closed the next few days, but you can always use a computer or maybe an intellectually advanced telephone to access the website #linkinbio to check out the new arrivals & leftover sales! Open on Thursday the 17th with our regular schedule. #internet #splintersvt #communitynotcore - @splintersvt on Instagram
- Why, there are no children here at the 4-H club either. Am I so out of touch?... No, its the children who are wrong!
- No, lisa, the only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, I call him Gamblor! and its time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
- It’s 2wentum Tarantino!
- The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money!
- And Im pursuing my interest in... AHHH!
- That’s ok the box was empty
- So thats it, isnt it, Marge? Looks. I never knew you were so shallow.
- You spoke while you were jinxed so I get to punch you in the arm. Sorry, its the law.
- We elected the wrong Carter.
- March 15th: I wish Id brought a TV. Oh god, how I miss TV.
- I fixed the DVD!
- Tags
- Wesley, get mommas pryin bar!
- A+? You dont think much of me, do you, boy? No, sir. You know, a D turns into a B so easily. You just got greedy.
- Blast! I took Mothers makeup kit by mistake.
- Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
- Want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Hoju
- art-MIXED MEDIA
- Name me one person whos gotten rich by doing yo-yo tricks.
- Not even pewd’s chair is original content... The Simpsons did it first
- Weve syphoned extra power off from the orphanage. Who are they going to complain to? Their parents?
- Ive been in prison, Cecil. Ill be happy just as long as it doesnt taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
- M-Murphy, You-you are an elf... Uncontrollably. I think! Nam myoho renge kyo.
- Relax, Homer. At Globex, we dont believe in walls. Matter of fact, I didnt even give you my coat.
- Wait a minute... This sounds like rock and/or roll!
- Aw geez, theres always a line!
- Youre all talk, Hamill! You never even finished jedi school!
- Why? Its not like anything interesting happened to anyone else today.
- Dont Blame Me. I voted for Kodos.
- Tell you what. We come back and everyone is slaughtered, I owe you a coke.
- At least Im not stuck at the cracker factory like Milhouse.
- The most depressing episode of The Simpsons is “Crepes of Wrath.” As a child I had trouble watching it.
- These hot dogs have been here for three years, they are strictly ornamental. Heh, theres only one bozo who comes in and buys them!
- Oh yes. A dog like this you HAVE to feed everyday.
- So...you admit that you grabbed her can?
- Mr Mcclure, what does DNA stand for?
- Systems analyst, systems analyst, systems analyst...
- I pickled the figs myself
- memes
- 900 dollary-doos?! Tobias! Did you accept a six-hour collect call from the States?
- And who could forget dear rat boy
- Work stress quotes
- Listen, rummy, Im gonna say it plain and simple. Whered you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?
- and who could forget dear Rat Boy?
- We spray her with the hose soaking her from head to toe, leaving us relatively dry. Relatively? Well, theres bound to be some splash-back.
- Yeah, they took her off the market after some kid put both his eyes out
- This is nothing but dead-white-male bashing from a PC thug. Its women like you who keep the rest of us from landing a husband.
- There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy.
- Authorities believe the wave of towel snappings will get worse... before it gets better.
- Homer, dont take this personally, but Ive obtained a court order to prevent you from planning this wedding.
- When you drive through Longford for the first time
- BERSERK IS RIGHT!
- A T T E N T I O N THE NEW WILL WEED THE GRASS
- Im a good...work...guy.
- I sentence you to kiss my ass!
- Hi Lisa! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!
- weas
- I live in a single room above a bowling alley, and below another bowling alley.
- Hi, Lisa! Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
- Me after reading the Black Pudding thread
- “Ow! Those gears down there really hurt!”
- I SENTENCE YOU TO KISS MY ASS!
- Hello. This is Mole Man in the morning. Good Mole Man to you. Today: part four of our series of The agonizing pain in which I live every day.
- Dear Mr. President: there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.
- My name is Hans. Drinking has ruined my life. I’m 31 years old.”
- Ja, ja, ja... Mach schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get back to DanceCentrum in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk.
- I wanted to surprise you for Christmas
- Yo, um, I must’ve like, fallen on a bullet, and it like, drove itself into my gut.
- Ace Attorney memes
- Debate moderators introduce Pete Buttigieg at the first Democratic National Debate for the 2020 election (June 27, 2019)
- You can make sangria in the turlet.
- “Wait - did you know that theres a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity?”
- Dear Homer, i.o.u. one emergency doughnut. Signed, Homer. Bastard! Hes always one step ahead.
- “Hey! My dad May have gained a little weight, but he’s not some kind of food-crazed maniac.”
- Young man, since you broke grandpas teeth, he gets to break yours.
- B-E! Four points. I challenge!
- Homer, Im worried about the beer supply. After this case and the other case, theres only one case left.
- Homer, theres four places. Theres the Hammock Hut. Thats on third. Theres Hammocks-R-US. Thats on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There. Thats on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Matter of fact, theyre all in the same complex. Its the Hammock Complex down on third.
- Ants huh? We had quite a severe ant problem at the vineyard this year. I had Art Garfunkel come by with his compressor, and we created a total vacuum outside the house, and we blew the ants out the front door. But Im sure you high-tech NASA people could care less about our resort-town ways.
- Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns!
- A show about a doll? Why not write a musical about the common cat, or the King of Siam?
- I sentence you to kiss my ass!
- Hey! My dad may have gained a little weight, but hes not some sort of food crazed maniac!
- Lisa Simpson
- I SAW THE WHOLE THING. FIRST, IT STARTED FALLING OVER... AND THEN IT FELL OVER.
- Now this is the room with electricity, but it has too much electricity. So I dont know, you might want to wear a hat.
- The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago and very little has changed. It stank then and it stinks now.
- First youll need a declaration of war. That way everything you do will be nice and legal.
- Ill keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- 900 dollar-idoos!?! Tobias!!
- I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now thats psychiatry
